Exercises for Practicing Use of Chosen Names and Pronouns

Here are unique, affirming, and practical activities designed to help professionals and educators comfortably and respectfully ask clients or students about their pronouns. These activities center on relational trust, trauma-informed practice, and gender identity justice.

Goal: Normalize and affirm pronoun sharing in a way that reduces harm, supports agency, and builds safety.

Exercises

1. “Pronoun Ecosystem” Mapping

Audience: High school teachers, social workers, counselors, allied health professionals
Purpose: Explore where and how pronouns show up in daily work and how power influences disclosure.

Steps:

• Ask participants to map their “professional ecosystem” (e.g., intake forms, staff meetings, classroom rosters).
• Highlight where pronouns are collected (or not) and how.
• Discuss:
  • Where might a client/student feel pressure to disclose?
  • Where can we create optional, low-stakes opportunities instead?
• Redesign one part of the system to be more affirming.

Why it works: Promotes systems-level reflection and supports redesigning institutional habits.

2. “Mirror and Window” Script Practice

Audience: Medical assistants, EMTs, teachers, massage therapists
Purpose: Build comfort and fluency in asking about pronouns without making it awkward or performative.

Steps:

• Provide 3–5 sample scripts (e.g., “Hi, I’m Jordan, and I use they/them pronouns. What pronouns feel right for you today?”).
• Participants practice in pairs, switching roles.
• Discuss which scripts felt most natural and why.
• Invite participants to write a version in their own voice.

Why it works: Encourages authentic, affirming language and avoids robotic phrasing.

3. “Pronoun Pause” Intake Activity

Audience: Therapists, nurses, case managers, front-desk staff
Purpose: Rethink how intake processes ask about identity details.

Steps:

• Show participants a traditional intake form (with “Gender: ___” or “M/F” boxes).
• Invite them to critique it from a gender-justice lens.
• Guide them to draft a “Pronoun Pause” insert, such as:
  

  “You’re welcome to share your name and pronouns, but only if you want to. We’ll do our best to use what you share.”

• Add optional fields: “Pronouns you use: ___ (optional),” and “How should we refer to you in front of others?”

Why it works: Centers consent and reduces pressure to disclose in unsafe contexts.

4. “Pronouns in Practice” Roleplay Scenarios

Audience: All helping professionals
Purpose: Respond to real-world misgendering moments with confidence and care.

Steps:

• Roleplay brief scenarios like:
  • A colleague misgenders a client.
  • A client misgenders another client.
  • A client says, “I don’t care about pronouns.”
• Debrief using reflective prompts:
  • “What did you notice about your comfort level?”
  • “What could be said to redirect with care?”
  • “What repair would feel affirming?”

Why it works: Builds muscle memory for in-the-moment intervention and models harm reduction.

5. “Postcard to My Future Self”

Audience: Teachers, therapists, nursing students, DEI facilitators
Purpose: Sustain reflective practice and commitment.

Steps:

• Ask participants to write a postcard to their future self:
  • What do you want to remember about asking for pronouns?
  • What discomfort or joy came up today?
  • What’s one promise you’ll make to affirm others more fully?
• Collect and mail them back in 3–6 months.

Why it works: Moves the work from performative allyship to lasting accountability.

6. “Name Me as I Am” Activity

Audience: Teachers, health professionals, intake staff, social workers
Purpose: Build fluency and care in asking about chosen names — without making assumptions or causing harm.

Steps:

1. Warm-Up Reflection (Silent Writing)
   Prompt participants:
   • “What assumptions do you make when you see a name on a form?”
   • “How do you feel when someone calls you the wrong name, nickname, or title?”
   • “Why might someone not want to use the name on their ID or file?”
2. Script Rewrite
   Provide a typical phrasing:

   “What’s your name?” or “What’s your legal name?”

   Then invite participants to revise it to be more affirming. Examples:

   • “What name would you like us to use when we talk with you?”
   • “Is there a name that feels right for us to call you here?”
   • “What name feels most like you today?”
3. Pair Practice + Debrief
   • In pairs, roleplay introducing themselves and asking about both name and pronouns.
   • Debrief: What wording felt warm? Where did it feel awkward? Why?
4. Form Language Redesign (Optional Extension)
   Have participants revise a sample intake or roster form with inclusive language:
   • “Name you’d like us to use: __________”
   • “Legal name (only if required): __________”
   • “Is it safe to use this name when calling in the waiting room/classroom?” (Y/N)

Scenarios to use about Working with LGBTQIA+ People in Human Services

1. “Chosen Family Rights”

Context: A student intern at a social services agency refuses to speak with a client’s partner, saying, “You’re not legal family.”
Challenge: The client, a gay man in long-term recovery, feels unsupported and leaves the program.
Prompt: How should human services professionals navigate legal vs. chosen family?

2. “Gender Marker Mismatch”

Context: A trans woman seeking housing is told, “We don’t have any space in the men’s dorm.”
Challenge: She is misgendered and told she must stay in a facility that doesn’t align with her gender identity.
Prompt: What rights do clients have in accessing gender-affirming shelter? How can students advocate within systemic constraints?

3. “Assumed Parenting Roles”

Context: A lesbian couple seeking parenting classes is asked, “Who’s the real mom?”
Challenge: The clients are offended and question whether they will be treated equitably.
Prompt: How can inclusive language support LGBTQIA+ families in parenting support services?

4. “Spiritual Trauma and Support”

Context: A bisexual teen mentions that they were forced to undergo conversion therapy by their church. A caseworker replies, “Religion can be healing.”
Challenge: The youth shuts down and refuses further counseling.
Prompt: How should human services professionals address spiritual trauma without dismissing clients’ lived experiences?

5. “Paperwork Pitfalls”

Context: A student intern requires clients to check “Male” or “Female” on all intake forms. When a nonbinary person hesitates, the intern says, “Just pick the one you were born with.”
Challenge: The client leaves without receiving services.
Prompt: How can forms be adapted to be more inclusive? What’s the student’s responsibility in advocating for systemic change?

6. “School-Based Services and LGBTQIA+ Youth”

Context: A queer high school student confides in the school social worker about being bullied. The social worker notifies the parents without the student’s consent.
Challenge: The student is outed and now unsafe at home.
Prompt: How should confidentiality, safety, and identity be balanced in school-based services?

7. “Homelessness and LGBTQIA+ Youth”

Context: A 17-year-old nonbinary teen is kicked out by their family and seeks services. A student case manager tries to place them in a binary-gendered youth shelter.
Challenge: The teen refuses the placement, citing previous trauma.
Prompt: What are affirming alternatives and trauma-informed approaches to housing services for LGBTQIA+ youth?

8. “Referrals to Biased Providers”

Context: A gay client is referred to a mental health counselor who has publicly expressed anti-LGBTQIA+ views. The student intern says, “He’s still a licensed provider, and it’s the only option.”
Challenge: The client disengages from care.
Prompt: How can students advocate for ethical, affirming referrals within resource-limited systems?

9. “Microaggressions in Group Work”

Context: During a substance use support group, another participant says, “I just don’t get this whole ‘pansexual’ thing.” The student facilitator laughs awkwardly but says nothing.
Challenge: The pansexual client feels unsafe and stops attending.
Prompt: How can human services professionals interrupt microaggressions in group settings while maintaining group cohesion?

10. “Intersectionality in Practice”

Context: A Black trans woman seeks help navigating re-entry after incarceration. The student focuses only on her gender identity and fails to address the racialized barriers she faces.
Challenge: The client feels unseen and under-supported.
Prompt: How does intersectionality affect service delivery, and how can students practice culturally responsive care?